Unspoken Bonds

I’m sure I’m not the only one who has convinced himself that no one else has ever gone through, or is going through, the same angst/turmoil/upsetting experience. No one understands my sadness. Not one person gets how it feels to be this jealous. Who has ever been as confused as I am right now? How could anyone ever understand me?!

These are the kinds of thoughts that come into play every time I experience an intense feeling. I immediately isolate myself, thinking no one will understand, so why bother trying to explain? But you know what’s crazy? Emotions are the single most relatable thing out there. They represent a kind of unspoken bond that we share but, for some reason, are often reluctant to acknowledge. And yet when I’m going through a tough time, I feel so alone, led by the mistaken belief that my sweltering feelings are somehow unique to me.

Everyone knows what it’s like to be happy, sad, angry, or frustrated, and most of us can probably pinpoint a time when we felt those emotions the strongest. Sure, we experience them at different levels of intensity; my worst day will be completely different from yours. But we can identify with what someone is going through. And we can empathize with one another—that’s how we relate to each other. That’s our point of connection. That’s how a sixteen-year-old can talk to a sixty-five-year-old and find common ground. Because life is a feeling experience. All of us, no matter who we are or where we come from, feel something on some level. Acknowledge and accept that fact, and it becomes comforting. It means none of us is alone.

My struggle, my pain, my grief, my despair, my tears—they’re not uncommon. They’re shared. And once something is shared, it loses its isolating potential. That’s something I’ve come to realize—once I understood that I’m experiencing something that millions of others have endured before, and are enduring at the same time, it somehow makes it feel less frightening, less heavy, less individual.

Nowadays, when life starts to feel like a little too much, and when a certain emotion overwhelms me, I remind myself that I’m not the only person to ever feel this way. That makes it less daunting to speak up and reach out to a close friend or family member who can be by my side. No one is alone, however scary a feeling might be. And good people will be there for one another. The only difference behind one feeling or the next is the story behind it, but explaining that story lightens the load and, I guarantee you, does wonders in helping to ease the pain.

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